Introducing my Mother

My mother must be introduced early on in this blog for a lot of things will be explained just from knowing her.
First of all I need to state she is Bi Polar and has many other dabilitating problems. Unfortunately we lived most of our lives not knowing exactly what was going on. My mother is a person of extremes. All or Nothing. She has a personality disorder that makes her needy and constantly tells her she is not a fit person for anything or anyone. Of course this disorder could easily be called Her Father. He too was Bi Polar (although it was never diagnosed) with a Huge portion of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. The man weeded his grass, all 15 acres of it. No one was allowed to step on it, so he had sidewalks and pathways criss crossing all through it. But that's another post, one that may explain a lot of my mothers problems. Back to her:
I know she was sexually abused at some point in her life and I think it very well may have been a continuous thing. It would later explain some of her obsession with sexuality and me.
My mother was a dieter even though she was thin and did not need to diet. I should explain anything my mother felt a need to do she made sure her daughter did also. No matter what the age. I clearly remember taking a packed lunch to school with celery sticks, four of them, all three inches long and sliced down the middle. That was at my school on the hill. Which means I was in first grade. I also remember sneaking down to the kitchen in the middle of the night and opening the refrigerator and taking small portions of everything/anything (small portions so it wasn't noted some was missing) and hiding behind the living room couch to eat it in the dark just in case someone heard me and came down to see what was going on. That is the house we lived in until I was 6 years old.
I would like to note here I was an average kid in size. I was not heavy in the least.
This would continue through out my life. If mum dieted, I dieted.
Remember please I said she was a person of extremes. She would diet and then she would gorge on candy, chips, cakes, pie... whatever she could get her hands on. It was almost a running joke that you could find candy bars anywhere if you looked hard enough. One of her favorite places was taped to the inside lid of our cookie jar. Who looks under the lid?
Now Mum would regret these splurges and say to the kids as she goes on another strict diet, "If I tell you guys to go to the store and buy me candy, cakes and pies,DON'T DO IT!"
(thus making us responsible for her actions. Of course after a week of the Grapefruit Diet the weekend would roll around and she would be found in the dark on the couch under her snuggle pouch (heavy blanket that snapped together to make a pouch to wear) with candy wrappers strewn around on the floor. The dog on her feet (the only time the dog was allowed on the furniture) and the first thing out of her mouth is, "I want you to go down to the store and buy my candy bars and Butterscotch cakes and a banana flip and whatever else they have down there." As she hands me a $20.00 bill.
I say," You told me I was to tell you no the last time you did this." I say as I timidly take the bill out of her hand. At this point her face changes into a frightening mask and her skin peels back off her forehead exposing her skull and flames shoot from her eyes and you hear in a thunderous voice, "DO IT NOW!"
Ten minutes later outside our house you can hear the BEEP BEEP BEEP of a truck backing up into the driveway to deliver all the goodies my Mum demanded.
Of course at the end of the weekend, when she is no longer binging she looks to me and says, "WHY did you let ME do this? I told you to say NO if I asked you to go to the store for me. If I do that again you MUST NOT go to the store. I mean it!" At which point we go back on a new diet, maybe the protein diet this week, since the Grapefruit diet didn't work last week, she didn't loose any weight on that one...

Tricky Me

I thought I would be tricky this time when I signed up to use this blogger. I thought I would make a new password and that way no one here would be able to easily open this up and read it. As you can see it has take me a week to get back in here.... why you may ask.... cause I used a NEW password. Lesson learned. I finally figured out how I can reset the thing and start with a new password. One I am not going to forget.